My Journey

I certainly have not been a reliable blogger throughout this twin pregnancy. I've had many people ask me, "when will you blog again?" or "we want to see some pictures!" Pictures will come, before the babies do, I promise, but this entry is more of me opening my heart to share my thoughts with whoever is interested.


I feel like I've been on one of the most amazing journeys of my life throughout the past 8 1/2 months (35 weeks). It has been trying both physically and emotionally - like any pregnancy I'm sure - but for me because of the twin factor it has been more so.


I'll begin with how I felt about getting pregnant again in the first place. I am not one of those women who loves being pregnant. I actually think it's really hard and for months and months after having Juniper I never wanted to do it again (this was in part to a traumatic labor that lasted 72 hours). I got an IUD after having Juni because I DID NOT want an unplanned pregnancy to occur. I wanted to make sure I was ready and willing before I went through what I went through with her. Plus I nursed her for so long that I was insistent that I was not going to be pregnant and nursing a toddler. I was going to have some time where my body was free for a little while. Needless to say, this was a strain on my marriage. My precious husband loves babies and would have 5 if I would let him. Seriously. He would LOVE it!!! He was ready to have another one right after Juniper was born. He also wanted a boy. Desperately. My fears of getting pregnant with another girl and then knowing I would never want to do it again worried me to no end.


Once I weaned Juniper I got my IUD out and felt ready to start trying for another baby. We tried for about 2-3 months and then I was pregnant again. Nate and I were both filled with joy. . . . until my morning sickness set in. It was SO debilitating. Taking care of Juniper combined with the sickness was the hardest thing I had ever done. I thought I was going to lose my marbles and I think Nate thought I had lost them!!! I had not been good about keeping track of my periods so my OB sent me in for an early ultrasound in order for an accurate due date to be determined. This was the ultrasound that changed our lives. Forever. This is when we found out we were having twins. I of course felt SO validated because of how sick I was. I felt like I wasn't crazy and that there was definitely a reason for how sick I had been. I think Nate felt reassured knowing that I was dealing with two times the pregnancy hormones and that maybe, just maybe I wasn't going crazy either. It's amazing how much the news of twins brought Nathan and I together. It felt like divine intervention. Nate reassured me that he would be okay if this was my last pregnancy - even if there were two girls. I think he knew this would definitely without a doubt be the last time I'd go through this! He was given the gift of more than two children and I was given the gift of being able to get three children out of only two pregnancies! Once we discovered the sexes of our babies I felt like my life had finally come together. When we got the news that there was a boy and a girl I felt amazing!!! I was so happy that Nathan was going to get his boy and I felt overjoyed knowing this would be without question my last pregnancy ever. I feel like there was a guardian angel making sure that we would both be content at the end of this.



Although I felt so comforted knowing this was my last pregnancy and that we were having a boy and a girl there have been many days and nights spent thinking about the delivery of these babies. I have carried a heavy heart for years after the birth of Juniper. . . truly feeling like I was traumatized during her labor. I also felt like Nathan was traumatized. He told me when I was about 23 weeks along that he didn't know if he could even handle being at the delivery of these babies. I didn't get mad at him for his feelings at all. . . I had to take a hard look at how these twins could come into the world with both of us feeling at peace. Although I had been insistent with my OB that I was going to deliver these babies vaginally, I had a change of heart about a month ago. I met with a doula at the hospital where I am scheduled to deliver. Just walking into the birthing center I felt my body begin to tense up. I felt like I was going to cry and never stop. I feared all the worst things that could happen to me if I tried to deliver these babies vaginally. I also feared the recovery if I were to choose a cesarean. The doula listened to my birth story about Juniper. She and I made a list of pros and cons for vaginal and cesarean deliveries. After a long discussion with this very experienced doula I was reassured that a cesarean can still be beautiful (she also made the point that there is such thing as emotional recovery too). I still made these babies. I am not a failure if I have a cesarean. My babies will be healthy, my heart will be filled with joy, my husband will come out unscathed and I won't have a nervous breakdown in the process of bringing them into the world. In the end we will have two beautiful babies to bring home. Although responses about my decision from some friends have been discouraging, I continue to reflect on why I've chosen to have a cesarean. I feel I've made the right decision - and I feel much more compassion toward women who have had cesareans due to emergencies or because they felt more comfortable with the choice. I feel so happy that I know when my babies are coming and that I am so close to being through with this pregnancy. I feel that with this decision has come some closure and emotional recovery about the birth of Juniper as well.



I am 35 weeks along today. I huff and puff around the house as little tasks become more and more difficult. My back and body aches, but I feel so blessed. This pregnancy has had no complications whatsoever. I am filled with joy knowing that these precious babies are almost here. I am filled with joy that once these babies are here our family is complete. I can't wait to meet them. I can't wait to see Nate with them. I can't wait to see Juniper as a big sister.


The 40 week due date for these babies is June 12. 38 weeks is considered full term for twins. Their birthday is scheduled for June 1st. I truly think I will make it to that date. I continue to go to the store, take Juniper to preschool and try to live as normal of a life as possible at this point. Knowing that these babies will be here in a little over 3 weeks is SO EXCITING!!!!



When they come out this journey will end. . . . . and we will begin a new and exciting journey. Being the parents of twins.

18 Weeks

Here I am at 18 weeks. The past few weeks have been full of me reading up on how to have a healthy twin pregnancy. I am hungry ALL the time, but can't eat as much as I'd like at each sitting. I have had moments where I am overwhelmed with the idea of consuming a healthy 3500 calories a day, or worry about how I'll care for Juniper when I get as big as some pictures I've seen of women carrying twins. But overall I feel pretty good. I am starting to feel my babies moving around and look forward to the 23rd when we find out what sex the babies are. We should also find out if they are identical or fraternal. Oh and I did cut my hair. I needed a change from constantly pulling it back. I really like it and think it will be easier to do my hair when the babies come!!

Snow Day!

We have had an unusual amount of snow fall here in the past 24 hours (around 15 inches!!!). This has meant that our little family has just snuggled up by the fire, eating good food and going nowhere. We played outside today and built a snowman. I took a nice long nap this afternoon and woke up to Juniper and Nathan laughing hysterically in the hot tub. They were throwing snowballs at each other. Kingsley has been LOVING the weather, too. I just have to laugh at how the snow has accumulated on his legs.

Our Babies

Baby "A"

Baby "B"





Here are the first pictures of "Baby A" and "Baby B".

I look at these pictures several times a day, and think about the little lives inside of me all the time. It's amazing how much I love both these babies even though I didn't know there were two a week ago!!!

Surprise!

This week has probably been the most life changing week EVER. I have been waiting to share the news that I am pregnant, but haven't been sure how far along I am so I wanted to wait until I was 3 months along for sure before I pasted it all over the internet.

I went in for my first ultrasound this pregnancy on Tuesday to find out just how far along I am. I found out that I am 14 weeks along. . . . with TWINS!!! I of course had to tell Nate to sit down when I called him with the news. He took it like a champ.

I have been so tired and so sick with this pregnancy that it was a bit validating to find out there was a reason for how difficult this has been so far. I never in my life thought I would hear those words. . . . but now that I have, I am up to the challenge. I have had so many different reactions from friends and family members and I must say all reactions have been very positive and supportive. I have had some pretty good laughs (along with some tears) as I've shared this news.

Juniper has been so sweet about there being two babies. She said, "you can hold one and I can hold one". I think she'll be the most amazing big sister, and I thank God for having the opportunity to be a mother to just one little girl.

Life throws us curve balls - I can tell you that for sure!!!!

I hope to be better about blogging as I share this new and exciting life experience.

I feel so happy!

Yep, I am one of the many American people who feels SO HAPPY about Barack Obama winning the recent election. I am particularly happy that there wasn't confusion about the ballots, no hanging chads or other annoying hang ups. It was a landslide. I love that! I have felt like I want to write a song, or a poem about this historical time. . . so here it goes.

Thank you, America.
For voting for Obama.
For judging a man "not by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character".
Thank you, America.
For your excitement.
For your enthusiasm.
For your genuine desire to elect a new leader like no other.
I never thought that in my lifetime I would witness something so historical.
Children of our country, have confidence.
You can be anything you want to be.
Grandparents of our country, have confidence.
You can trust us to keep the American Dream alive.

Who's been hiding this stuff from me?

Okay, no one. But I can't believe I didn't discover it sooner. I'm here to show off just how darling I've made some of the lightswitches around my house. I've used Mod Podge and craftbooking paper that I found at a darling new paper store in Poulsbo. I'm not one for craftbooking, but I think I'm going to become very into the fun paper I can cover things with!


living room

hallway

half bath

kitchen